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Wonderlens Amusement Planet!
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the month of May.
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Back to DAY ONE (April)
Blogging on Empty
Well, we NOW know the
Besmous are very adorable and
have some freaky super-powers.
Not sure that really helped, but there you go.
But it still doesnít help us with Astralís holo-blog. Once we run out
of Besmou Cola, weíll need to find some other way to turn the pages
2D so we can read Astralís messages.
Wow, itís really getting DARK down here. I wonder whyÖ
HEY - somebody ran into me...
02 May 2003 10:44 PM
gets right back up
Itís a Lampyre!
WAIT a sec.
If THAT's a real Lampyre, I'm a real blonde. Heck, I don't even HAVE
is just some joker DISGUISED as a Lampyre. Letís just get this hood off and
Well, doesnít THAT just figure! Itís one of the Greys.
HEY, I recognize this guy. His name is Yerg. Heís the one I ran into
in the parking lot. He swiped some of my spare parts and then tried
to SELL them back to me and ÖNOÖI do NOT want to buy some "genuine alien
Save it for the tourists, buddy.
look pretty authentic.
HEY! Did you swipe this from
06 May 2003 5:20 PM
Playing the Odds
Iím not buying it.
I mean, whatís the likelihood of a Grey, dressed up like a
happening to run into another group of guys who ALSO just happen to be
disguised as Lampyres?
Okaaay, there WAS that one time I ran into three different groups of
Earthlings dressed as Vulcans, but that was at a convention in
Vegas and Iím not really sure whether that last bunch was Vulcan or
RomulanÖbut thatís NOT the point!
I think weíd better make sure Yerg here isnít carrying any weapons.
The Greys make some SILENT but DEADLY fart grenades.
Uuummm. So do YOU wanna
07 May 2003 10:35 PM
Oh, VERY funny!
BATTLESLUG DRUM-BUZZER was a cute touch, Yerg.
I admit, ya got me. Now let's see what ELSE you have
UP YOUR SLEEVE.
08 May 2003 12:00 AM
Wrong Turn at
Shooting Stars, Yerg! Is there anything you HAVEN'T
tried to steal? No...don't EVEN answer that. Just empty your pockets.
...AND the utility belt.
ALL THIS STUFF! He's
got half the
Gift Shop stashed
inside his belt!
...And whatís THIS?
BESMOU magic wand. Itís
Astralís Besmou wand Ė the one she uses to decode her holo-blog!
Yerg must have gotten Astralís wand from her desk!
Remember when we went to search
ASTRALíS OFFICE and it
was SWARMING with Lampyres? Those werenít real
LAMPYRES at ALL Ė it
was Yerg and his buddies in these
08 May 2003 10:00 AM
There's NO need for THAT kind of language. I don't need to be a
TRANSLATING ROBOT to
figure THAT out!
08 May 2003 10:06 PM
It's up to YOU, Yerg.
Do I have to spell it out for you, or should I just
DRAW YOU A PICTURE?
You can either tell us what you're up to RIGHT NOW, or we can send
you back through the
WORMHOLE and you can have a nice chat with our friend
Heís a REAL Lampyre, by the way.
Iím sure heíll be VERY curious to know why you and your CreEpY
little buddies have been lurking around
WONDERLENS disguised as
But uh...just to warn you...I hear Lampyres can get pretty
mean when they've had one too many Pop Tarts.
...and did I mention that Noir has been on a Tart binge for
two weeks running? He should be reaching critical mass at any
Trust me, Yerg, you do NOT want to be anywhere NEAR a Lampyre
who's about to go Sugar-Nova.
If the initial blast of super-heated fruit filling doesn't kill you,
the flying bits of toaster pastry will. The sugar frosting ALONE can put
your eye out!
Ok, then. Let's TALK.
12May 2003 11:16 PM
Yerg says they all belong to BOO? What the heck is BOO?
Hmmm...he says it stands for the Brotherhood Of Opportunity.
Itís some kind of Grey secret society...I guess.
Sooo...what...are you guys some kind of intergalactic terrorists
or just greedy criminal masterminds?
Or do you just have WAY too much
13 May 2003 8:17 PM
It's a Living
swears he's not a criminal mastermind.
Yeah...somehow, I'm inclined to believe him.
He SAYS, that members of B.O.O. dress in disguise and travel from
planet to planet, yelling ďBOO.Ē Apparently people GIVE them things
to make them GO AWAY.
OK...he says TECHNICALLY speaking, people THROW things at them to
make them go away. But sometimes they throw something good. Like
Hey, YOU...Poly to Earth person! Don't they have something
like that on your planet? I think itís called trick or treat.
Ok...enough with the
OFFWORLD TRIVIA. That STILL doesnít explain why Yerg had
Iím pretty sure she wasn't handing THOSE out with the mini-Snickers.
14 May 2003 10:48 PM
Quest for Skittles
says he never SAW Astral. Says his boys only went to
HER OFFICE to bum some candy.
I can relate.
Ever since they stopped making computer chips with silicon and
started using high fructose Sucrosium, I've had a constant
craving for Skittles.
Anyway, when the Greys got to her office, Astral was already
gone. Yerg grabbed a bottle of
from Astral's desk, but it spilled all over the Greys and turned them
2D. Yerg knew that the only way to get back into 3D was to use more
Besmou magic. That's when he spotted Astral's Besmou wand.
Yerg grabbed the wand, but when he heard US coming, they all
Yerg and the other Greys headed for the basement to
hide. But once they got down there, they were distracted by the aroma of
freshly mini-ovenned Pop Tarts.
They followed the scent all the way down to the
BLACK HOLE BUNGEE JUMP.
They walking right into a bunch of REAL Lampyres passing through a
Yerg says he just followed them in. Thought maybe there was some kind
of Pop Tart motherload on the other side.
Like I said...probably NOT criminal masterminds.
15 May 2003 10:20 PM
Lost and Spaced
Alright, I guess we've established that the Greys
aren't exactly at the TOP of the evil genius FOOD CHAIN.
According to Yerg, here, once he and the other Greys popped
FRESH WORMHOLE, the REAL Lampyres VANISHED,
the B.O.O. dudes panicked and Yerg here got
Yerg says he's been wandering through the tunnels ever since.
And nobody gave him so much as a box of lousy RAISINS. Poor guy.
Now that you mention it, he DOES look a little woozy.
Well...I guess we can give him one of the last bottles of Besmou
Now that we have ASTRAL'SWAND
we can use THAT to decode her holo-blog.
Plus, the pages are getting kind of soggy. Man... Astral's
going to go thermonuclear when she sees what we did to her blog!
Oh-oh. Is Besmou Cola RADIOACTIVE? The holo-blog is starting
19 May 2003 10:13 PM
Must Be Monday
is GLOWING because Astral
is trying to CONTACT us!
(I KNEW THAT!)
Let's hope this
Nothing is happening! The pages are still BLANK!
buddy...this is the REAL wand, isn't it?
Well, then why isn't it working?
And WHY does it have a PRICETAG from the
Wonderlens SOUVENIR Shop?!!!
20 May 2003 5:44 PM
One Magic Wand...Coming
cough up the REAL wand.
I KNOW you have it.
He really did
It's covered with Besmou Cola and...YOW - what DID you eat for LUNCH,
thought you said you were a VEGETARIAN!
Just tell your FORMER LUNCH to keep his tentacles to
All that wiggling is kinda creeping me out.
Okaaay...let's make some
21 May 2003 5:21 PM
Astral at the Edge
...A little wave of the magic wand and....
finally reached the end of the tunnels. You won't believe what I've found!
There appear to be ancient ruins miles beneath Wonderlens! I'm standing now
at what seems to be the edge of a huge, underground city.
How is this
possible? Our research proved that this planet was never inhabited. I
studied the scans myself. I would have seen any tunnels, much less a whole
city, but the scans showed nothing like this! All we saw before was solid
to run some tests. I know, I shouldn't waste what little air I have left,
but I need to understand what's going on here! This isn't what I was
expecting to find.
again in just a nano. I'm going to climb up higher - try to get better
readings. There's some kind of temple up ahead. Hopefully my
will give me some better light up there. For some reason, the wings of all
the moths just suddenly stopped glowing. It's like something SUCKED the
light right out of them. It's getting so dark.
21 May 2003 9:25 AM
Ölater that day
Well, THAT's not good.
just went on strike or the
LAMPYRES finally caught up with her!
22 May 2003 5:14 PM
The Hidden City
Did Astral say she found RUINS of an
WONDERLENS? But that's
Maybe she just found a flock of
ARE cities...sort of. Ok,
technically they're floating sandcastle cruise ships and
yes, the average Castellar Reef
is about the size of a
basset hound, but...
Ok...forget THAT theory.
Astral is NOT talking about a Castellar Reef...she must have found a
And if anybody can figure
out who built it, Astral
can. She knows a LOT about...well, pretty much
everything that has to do with
alien civilizations. I mean,
that's why she's the youngest Head of
Humanoid Resources we've
ever had at Wonderlens.
It usually takes CENTURIES to learn what she knows about offworld
Architecturals. You know...the BUILDINGS and STAIRWELLS and
RESTROOMS that are really ALIEN BEINGS.
Didn't you KNOW?
Pretty much every THING at Wonderlens is...well...not exactly a
THING. Most of the
buildings here are
architecture. They even have their own union:
M.O.R.T.A.R. It stands for
the Masonic Order Regulating
Thinking Architecturals' Rights. Astral is president of the
chapter, you know.
23 May 2003 5:25 PM
- the Masonic
WONDERLENS in the FIRST PLACE.
Astral used to be a
We had some labor problems at Wonderlens when the amusement planet was being
built, so Astral was sent in by M.O.R.T.A.R. to smooth things out. She did
such a great job, she was hired as Wonderlens Head of
Everybody thinks Astral is just here to keep the
from going on strike or to make sure the
SENTIENT SENTRIES get
when flammable guests like the
But Astral does WAY more than that.
She's the one who FINDS the right species to work at Wonderlens. Heck, she
finds the right species to BE Wonderlens! From the
Elektros Eel fences
we employ as
most of the Wonderlens park is MADE of EMPLOYEES. And Astral
most of them.
Sure, she hasn't discovered nearly as MANY new species as
W.A.R.P. team leader, but Astral has found the really USEFUL ones. Max
tends to seek out the flashy types. You know...the creatures who spit
50 meter jets of
head-mounted buzz saws and toxic farts. Must be a "guy thing"
WAIT...speak of the devil...I'm getting an incoming message from
27 May 2003 8:25 AM
a Message from Max
I hate to hog your blog, but I didn't know how else to contact you. All the
communications sytems have
been acting screwy
today. I hate to even mention
it though - the last time I complained that I wasn't getting my phone
messages, the phone
BIT me! Maybe I should have Astral Geode have a talk with
Speaking of...have you seen Astral lately?
She missed this month's M.O.R.T.A.R. meeting. Not like her to just not show.
Nobody else seems to have seen her either.
...And now YOU'RE nowhere to be found! What's going on, kiddo? If you're in
any kind of trouble, you know you can always ask me for help.
the way. The Poly-256-B,
your backup model is doing
a...errr...decent job of
filling in for you while you're gone, but DON'T think ol' Max can't tell the
difference! Your copy just doesn't have the same
Actually, the 256-B
doesn't really have ANY personality. I just asked her
"what's shakin'?" and she
spit out a report on recent
Hey, did you know we've been having a bunch of small
earthquakes here? Well,
not RIGHT here, but MILES below
Wonderlens. Weird, eh?
Anyway, the Poly-256-B will never
replace the REAL Poly.
Plus, the 256-B still thinks she works in
fast food. Yesterday she kept trying to round up the
She kept saying something about
"golden arches?" Must be something from her old programming.
I'd better go now. I just saw her glide down the hall with a
bucket of yellow paint.
So long for now, kiddo.
You know where to find me.
27 May 2003 10:18 AM
Later That Day...
I wish I
WHY did I
I'd keep my mouth shut?
I don't even
28 May 2003 11:22 PM
HOLOBLOG is glowing again.
have you got the
BESMOU's MAGIC WAND?
Well ok then...Hit
29 May 2003 11:00 AM
It's the oddest thing...I could have
sworn I just heard Max Darkstar's voice. I guess my braincells are finally
going. Not much air left. I climbed up to the temple, but the gates are
locked. Nobody home. From the looks of it, nobody's been home for about a
thousand years. I'm so tired. I'm just going to close my eyes for a moment.
Everything's getting so dark. Sun must be setting early tonight.
Astral - out.
30 May 2003 10:30 PM
Lights Off Ė Astral
Continue to Month 3